The last week we have had some very sad events happening around the world.

Grief is something that touches everyone regardless of race, religion, financial status, age or gender. And I often wonder “If grief is something that effects us all, then why do people struggle to emotionally support  family and friends in their time of grief?”

• Maybe there is a fear the wrong thing might be said to the person who is grieving.
• Not wanting to make things worse.
•  The conversation may have silences in them and what do I say when this happens? etc.
• What happens if they cry?

All these thoughts are natural, but it is important to let the person grieving know that you acknowledge their grief and the pain they are going through. Not acknowledging or avoiding the person will only bring anger and resentment later on from the person grieving.

Express ” I am sorry and I’m just calling to see how you are going” Don’t think this is a silly question, by asking this you have just given them permission to express how they are. You don’t have to do anything, but sit and listen to their story.

Remind yourself –It is not up to you to fix your friends grief, but to support your friend in their grief.

Don’t be afraid of tears.  Sometimes we just need someone to sit with us when we are upset, no need to do anything but if it is appropriate give them a hug, or hold their hand. Often when clients have tears, I let them sit in silence and then ask ” If your tears could speak, what would they say right now?”

The amount of time it takes to work through grief can vary in time, it can depend on the relationship, how the person has died, support around the grieving person- connections to the community. If there is no connections, the person grieving is more likely to become withdrawn and increasingly isolated.

Make sure you keep in contact with them, often there is a large amount of support straight after the death and up until the end of the funeral, but weeks later everyone usually goes back to their own lives and some expect that the grieving person should be getting back to doing normal things.

Often weeks, months, years later the grieving can continue, but the months to follow can be particularly hard to deal with. Support can become minimal later on, particularly the first year, when anniversaries and birthdays of our loved ones come around, these times are often dismissed or forgotten by others.

Put a reminder on your calendar of the dates of anniversaries, birthdays, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, and give your friend a call. It will make the world of difference.

If you need further support with Grief, please give me a call on 0403 913 518. or send me an email timetohealcounselling@gmail.com .

I would love to read your thoughts on our face book page.

Take care and thanks for joining me